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Addiction is any compulsive or uncontrollable habit that we engage in to escape our feelings, or our reality.

Often it starts as a way to help us cope with life experiences yet over time we lose control and compulsively go towards those behaviors or substances.

Here are a two examples of how alcohol and Netflix were first used as ways to cope, and later became addictions:

• The first time Louise* got drunk, it felt like all her insecurities disappeared. She felt like she was on top of the world and could be her ‘true self’ no matter who was in the room.
  At first, Louise only drank at big parties or conferences. Over time, she drank more often and at the slightest ‘feeling’ of stress. Her self-esteem worsened and she started to feel ashamed of her drinking.
  But she continued to keep a flask close-by as ‘medicine’ for stress. Even when her drinking affected friendships, commitments and her very own values, she couldn’t stop. Louise found support to stop drinking. She learned new ways to deal with stress and let go of her insecurities. 
• Val* loves watching Netflix. To watch his favorite show is treat at the end of a long day. A way to relax. One episode turns into five and before long, it’s midnight.
  Val wakes up tired the next morning because of the previous night’s Netflix binge. Even if he turns off the TV, he can’t sleep anyway because his thoughts keep him up. He feels lost.
  Val tells himself that everyone watches Netflix at night and even though he senses his life is ‘running away’ from him, he doesn’t know what else to do, and finds himself in front of his screen again, day after day.
  Val discovered that Netflix binges were a way to hide from uncomfortable feelings and decisions he was avoiding. He received guidance and tools to feel his feelings and confidence to make important life decisions – without Netflix or other compulsive behaviors.

*names changed to respect confidentiality

The most commonly known addictions are substance addictions; alcohol and drugs.
Behavioral (process) addictions have infinite possibilities:
sex, romance, work, porn, power, money, social media, control, drama, emotions, cleanliness, food / eating, exercise, addicted to another person, obsessively thinking, fantasy, compulsive helping …
The defining piece of all addictions is the compulsive nature which tends to have a cycle of a ‘high’ or feeling euphoric or feeling ‘complete’ followed by guilt, shame or remorse. You might even find yourself saying ‘I won’t do it again’ or ‘I can’t stop’ or ‘just one more time’ or ‘I have to’.

Please feel free to contact me for a 20-minute no-cost and confidential chat.

Here are some signs, too, that might give you some clues:

• Reward: Do you feel better and more in control ‘doing it’ even if there might be negative consequences?
• Importance: Do you find ‘doing it’ has become a part of who you are or a way you live your life? Do you worry you would not be able to ‘deal’ without it or believe that you couldn’t ‘live’ without that person, job or behavior?
• Disruption: Do you say you are going to do something different and then – almost like a dream – find yourself ‘doing it’? 
• Frequency: Do you ‘do it’ more often and for longer periods of time than before, or than you originally planned? Do you hear yourself say “just a bit more” or “just another one” or “I can’t help it”?
• Pausing: Do you feel uncomfortable if you cannot ‘do it’? Does ‘doing it’ or being with that person take up all your thoughts and energy? Do you have emotional or physical responses, e.g. racing heart, while you are engaging in the behavior or when you cannot ‘do it’?
• Secrecy: Do you keep this behavior, the frequency or the intensity a secret from others? Do you hide the behavior or feel scared what would happen if someone else finds out? Deep down, do you judge yourself for what you’re doing ? Do you rationalize or make excuses, even to yourself?

It is not required to ‘stop’ your addiction prior to attending, however, it is required to be sober for the events.

What we all have in common is a curiosity about about how addictions, compulsions or dependencies play out in our life. We might, also, be open to learn what can lead to those addictive behaviors or the shadows or (negative) self-definitions we have about ourselves.

You are invited to show up exactly as you are, in this non-judgemental, open and confidential space.

Please do not attend class under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

All addictions rob us from connection, freedom, intimacy. Sometimes we recognize this sensation subtly, in our innermost realms. Other times, addictions might run rampant in our external worlds. 

I believe that functioning is a way to survive life which is a far cry from what we all deserve – living life and thriving with peace and serenity.

Only you know, in a space within yourself, whether you are functioning and ‘just making it by’ and if / when you are ready to lay down the taboos and investigate what it might be like to live and thrive without addictions, compulsions, codependency or dependency.

Anyone curious about addiction, compulsive tendencies or dependencies for the first time as well as anyone familiar with how it plays out in their lives. 

You might have a little clue that you are struggling or coping with life. You might want to change a behavior and are meeting challenges, despite the attempts to stop. You might consider yourself an addict and are no living sober (or not). You might want to deal with your shadows that can lead into addiction. There is no ‘one’ motivation, no one size fits all in KIX. What we all have in common is an interest in or desire to deal with / learn about addiction or compulsions.